I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
