what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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