No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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