New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
