he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
