The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
