So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
