He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Enjoy the penises
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
