Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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