I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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