Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
