so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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