I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
