Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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