there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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