I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
two words...techno handjob
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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