dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
