I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
