apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
