I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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