And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
