I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
