I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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