did you get engaged???
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
