white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
