ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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