Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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