I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
