He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
