I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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