Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
