I'm jealous of your bromance
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
