We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
only if we run a train.
done.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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