just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
