Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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