I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
