She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
