fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
