Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
