Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
