I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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