a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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