Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
