How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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