i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
