dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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