so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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