i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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