textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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