btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
