They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
