Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
