this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
