I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize