mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
