member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
