So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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