Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
