My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Pants are for mortals
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
