do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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