The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
