there's paper in my vomit.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
