I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
