R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize