Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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