Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
