hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
