I think I died a long time ago.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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