I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
