Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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