i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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