He had one of those small greek statue penises
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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