OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
