I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
