if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
