i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just high enough for therapy.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
